Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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