sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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