thus making me awesome and them whores
People in love make me want to vomit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
