dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
