Are we in a gay sports bar?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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