i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
