I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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