Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
