Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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