Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
