her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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