Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
