Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
