i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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