Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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