did you get engaged???
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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