you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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