we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
