Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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