Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
