I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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