I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
