its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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