There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pappa wants mamma naked
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
