I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
