the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize