I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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