My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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