Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
