Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
