hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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