Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
