Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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