i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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