Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
