So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
