There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
