Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
