I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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