yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
