I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
