she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
