Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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