In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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