He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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