Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
