I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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