Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize