im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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