You're my little dorito
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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