oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
