i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
