ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
