They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Randomize
