When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
