So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
