The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
