the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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