WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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