He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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