so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
