I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
