I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
