I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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