Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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