I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
