I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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