Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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