I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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