I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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