How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
