It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
